The Philadelphia Eagles continued their assault on the NFL free agent market Friday morning by extending contract offers to the zombie corpse of Walter Payton and also Bo Jackson circa the Tecmo Bowl years. Terms of both deals are not yet known but both players would fit in nicely behind starting running back Lesean Mccoy.
Walter Payton’s corpse hasn’t seen a football field since his retirement in 1987 and he hasn’t worked out since his death in 1999. Still, the Eagles are confident the decomposing star can contribute a great deal to this season’s “Dream Team”. When asked whether or not Sweetness’ corpse can hold up over the course of a 16 game season, team physician Peter Deluca said “He’s lost a lot of flesh over the past few years but his trademark fluidity is still there. The only real concern we had with his workout was when he lost an ankle while running his 40.”
While the real-life Bo Jackson has stayed away from the game after knee injuries cut his career short, his video game counterpart has stayed in phenomenal shape and looks to translate his 16-bit success onto a real football field. Coach Andy Reid said on the potential signing, “He’s definitely still got it. His running was a little choppy and he seemed to only be able to move in rigid, straight lines but he’s still a beast.” Jackson figures to play in short yardage and goal-line situations.
In another foreseeable move the Eagles also offered veteran contracts to “Icebox” and “Spike” from the Little Giants hoping to round out their already bolstered running back corps.