Bro Jones’ Top 5 in Preseason NFC Power Rankings

Ok, we’re going to examine the preseason favorites in the NFL this season by conference. Keep in mind that there will be little to no factual or statistical evidence supporting these selections, but they’re accurate… trust me.

1. Philadelphia Eagles – Duh. I mean c’mon. Michael Vick (most dynamic QB of all time, noted animal lover, Pro Bowler), LeSean McCoy (most underrated RB in the league), Jeremy Maclin (got mono cause he made out with your girlfriend but will probably be better in time for the opener), DeSean Jackson (Best receiver making less than 600k a year), yadda yadda yadda. Oh yeah, and they have the three best CB’s in the league (suck it Revis). With Babin and Cole at DE and Cullen Jenkins at DT, Sacks/INT galore this season. Nnamdi Awesome-wa. Boom.

2. Green Bay Packers – Reigning Super Bowl champs, they’re probably going to be a contender this year. The poor little miserable city of Green Bay has nothing going for it besides the Packers, so I kinda root for them so the people there can feel something besides the -30 degree wind chill in October. Greg Jennings posted mad points on my fantasy team last year, and with Rodgers turning into Johnny Unitas during the playoffs last year I’m sure Jennings will be doing a few touchdown dances this season. And although Charles Woodson is well into his 50’s by now, he’s still the 4th best CB in the league (suck it again Revis).

3. Atlanta Falcons – Gotta hand it to ’em, they made bold moves in the draft by taking Julio Jones. With Julio Jones and Roddy White at WR, how the hell do you cover them? (oh yeah with Nnamdi Awesome-wa and DRC/Asante). And as much as I absolutely hate Matty (smirnoff) Ice, the kid has got some talent, even if he does drink bitch drinks. Then again, you put me at QB with Roddy White and Julio Jones at WR and Michael Turner in the backfield and even I would be somewhat productive.

4. New Orleans Saints – I’ve never been to Mardi Gras there. And I regret this… but I digress. Drew Brees is still a beast. Reggie Bush is gone. I feel like there really aren’t any amazing players on this team besides Drew Brees. They’re all just like ‘pretty good’ players that somehow put points on the board. Like Devery Henderson and Robert Meachem are good, but like…. I’m not THAT impressed. Does anyone else get the feeling the the scar on Drew Brees’ face gives him special powers like it did with Harry Potter? I think that’s what’s going on here. Maybe it’ll show up in the HGH testing this season.

5. Minnesota Vikings – Old man Favre is gone, Old Man McNabb is in. It’s clear that McNabb can’t perform without Campbell’s Chunky soup talent around him. The Redskins were… are terrible. Now, with a decent supporting cast, I think the Vikings could make some moves. Adrian “All Day” Peterson is 217 pounds of kick-your-ass. Jared Allen gives little kids nightmares. Gotta check the new head coach first though. Touch decision not to put the Bucs, Cowboys, Bears, or even lions here though. regardless, it doesn’t matter, they’re not going to win the conference.

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