New York Jets Trying to Outgay Patriots

Mark Sanchez recently posed for the cover of GQ in this sleek, fashionable getup in hopes that one day, he can achieve the greatness of Tom Brady. When word hit the media that the Patriots’ quarterback was parading around in Uggs

and throwing a hissy on the water slide, Mark Sanchez was taking diligent notes. He looks up to the NFL great and aspires to one day exceed Brady’s legacy. When asked about his new attire, Sanchez replied,

“He’s the best. He seems to do everything right. He knows exactly what you need to do to make yourself more effective on the field, so I need to pay attention and try to get a leg up on the competition. When Tom [Brady] does something, I have to try to take it one step further.”

And take it one step further he did. His 1980’s Miami Vice outfit, complete with a spandex tank top and white skinny-jeans, has catapulted his sexual ambiguity far past that of Tom Brady. But what does this ambiguity have to do with winning football games? We went on to ask Sanchez just that.

“Utter confusion. When you’re out there on that field, and the defense’s minds are racing with thoughts of you in a banana hammock, they get so confused and disoriented that it gives you an advantage. I mean, look at Brady. The guy throws on some Uggs and all of a sudden has a few rings. Super Bowl rings, that is. And I really don’t want to let coach Ryan down this year. It just makes us all look silly when he promises a SuperBowl victory and we don’t win.”

We’ll have to keep a close eye on his numbers this year and see if we see an improvement. If Sanchez is able to pull out a stellar season, I wouldn’t be surprised if this turned into a trend across the league. We could be seeing Peyton Manning sporting a man-purse, Drew Brees walking his chihuahua on a pink leash, or worse, Donovan McNabb’s photo shoot for the new Victoria’s secret lingerie line. Only time will tell.

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2 responses to “New York Jets Trying to Outgay Patriots

  1. When I saw this ‘lay-out’ my first thought…well second thought, after ‘ewww!’ -was ‘thank God I can’t see his whole body, coz if those are skinny jeans, he needs out of the NFL!’ I mean, dude! Man-up!

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