Panthers Owner to Cam Newton: No Tattoos

But he said nothing about stealing laptops.

Cam Newton has submitted to weekly, full-body inspections to be performed by the 75 year old owner of the Carolina franchise.  At least that’s what I see happening here, personally I have more pride than that.  It doesn’t matter how much you pay me, I’m not okay with taking my clothes off and parading naked in front of some power hungry senior citizen.  Not anymore at least.  Those days are behind me, and my ink is way too important to me to agree to that.  That’s why I’m planning on getting a new one in honor of the upcoming season.  Across my back it will say “Tim Tebow”, because he may be a terrible quarterback, but I still want to get into heaven.

P.S. Tebow is a virgin.  Yeah, that sucks for him but that’s dedication, holmes.


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