Holy shit do kids’ toys suck these days. I feel like I really grew up in the heyday of toys, the early 90’s…and if anyone disputes that I challenge you a game of Crossfire. To the death. So I saw a commercial for these little things the other day on Nickelodeon (yea, I still watch it, they fucking play Doug again it’s heaven) and I just felt sadness. First of all they already made something like this, they were called Crazy Bones, and they were already a poor man’s version of Pogs. Second of all, these toys are shit. Compare anything you see on TV nowadays to what we had back in the glory days. The two gems I already mentioned, Beanie Babies, Mighty Max, Tamagotchi’s, Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe’s, and boardgames like you read about.
I’m not even gonna get into the sickness that is kids sitting inside all day long at the computer playing games while my friends and I beat the shit out of eachother with Sock’em Boppers for fun. Anybody remember those things? Just inflate em’ and start going to town on your friends having a blast, until one of your gloves starts to deflate pretty rapidly. And the thing was, you could always feel it start to deflate and you just kept pounding away on little Timmy’s face pretending like you had no idea until BAM, his glasses and nose are broken. Also, while I was looking for that commercial I realized that at one point the name was changed from Socker Boppers. Either this was to avoid confusion with Soccer or because “Socker” sounds eerily similar to “Sock her”. I think the latter is way funnier.
Alls I’m sayin is, give me a Super Soaker over anything the kids are playing with these days and I’ll be happy.
P.S. I love how thick the accent is on the dude in that Squinkies commercial.
P.P.S. I had the best slammer on the block, no questons asked.