Cro Vs. Bro…Late Season Recap

We promised to keep y’all updated on our fantasy league and how we were both performing throughout the year and we have again failed both those who have checked in intermittently and those of you who have followed us loyally.  That was probably a run run run-on sentence…I don’t care at this point.  Moving on from my increasingly loose grasp of the English language let us check in on the fantasy football season.

I’m fairly certain the Jones Brothers have avoided posting about our fantasy league for the majority of the NFL season.  I intend to change that.  Let’s start with Bro’s team, “Dream Team Green”.  After checking our standings and match-ups this week, it appears that Bro is going to finish tied for first place in the NFC division with a record of 8-6.  I’m pretty bad at math but I’m pretty sure Bro is gonna slip into the #2 seed going into our playoffs and in doing so he’s also gonna snag a first round playoff bye.  I can’t praise homeboy’s effort enough.  Dude started off the season in the cellar with very little chance of climbing out and he’s done exactly that.  Bro took a huge hit losing to me in week one and also losing his 1st round pick to injury for the first few weeks of the season but he kept plugging and lo and behold he’s grabbed himself a #2 seed in the playoffs.  Bad…ass.

If it pleases the jury, I’d like to turn our attention to my fantasy team: Team Funk.  If you recall, after our fantasy draft, I wasn’t too high on my team and even today I still lack confidence.  It’s been a long year and up until a few weeks ago, I’ve pretty much avoided any devastating injuries to my team.  However, I recently lost my starting QB in Matt Schaub…this has me extremely concerned with my chances going forward.  All season long I’ve been squeaking out victories…I can’t even count how many weekly matchups I’ve won by less than 10 points…but despite my small margin of victory, I’ve managed a league-best 12-2 record.  Team Funk have battled and worked their way into the #1 seed going into the playoffs.  My blue collar crew of lunch-pail players have overachieved and are more than deserving of a first round bye to start the postseason.  Even though I’m still extremely nervous about my team moving forward in the playoffs, I’m also incredibly proud of my boys for making it this far.  Team Funk now has a 25% chance of winning it all…and while we may not be the most talented team left, I do think we have the most heart.

P.S.  With Cro and Bro both earning Byes into the second round…your fearless leaders have a 50% chance of winning our fantasy league!

P.P.S.  We love you.  Always.




Cro vs. Bro Week One

Final Score: (Cro) 79- (Bro) 75

This was a fantasy match-up for the ages.  And by ages I mean shitter.  You know I mean that when I say it because I won.  Listen, I’m not gonna run my mouth after this one as much as I want to because I escaped this week.  Bro had Peyton and Arian both out this week and while I was also decimated by injuries, he lost his first pick.  That’s the one theme from this week I think is most prevalent, injuries.  I had Sydney Rice sit out and then lost Steven Jackson after he took one to the house on the first play from scrimmage.  I’m pretty sure there’s a little P or Q next to every single one of our players at this point and it’s only been one week…shit.

Quick recap of our days.  You know what?  I’m not even going to bother, our QB’s were subpar, our running backs did what they were expected and everyone that caught passes should have been wearing diapers.  Fantasy week one in a nutshell.  I just threw a chair.  It was a booster seat.  It’s mine.

I also would like to point out that Bro and I are the only ones who have been talking shit throughout the preseason and during the draft, and we backed that up by being the only two guys in the league to not break the 80 point mark.  I will not apologize.  I will not stop talking.  This week was a gimme, I promise I will only get stronger.  I’ve been free-basing Ritalin since Saturday afternoon to get the edge.  Yea, there are PED’s in fantasy football and we don’t drug test…right?

P.S. I’m 1-0…undefeated…BOOM.

Dream Team Green Player Analysis

Alright. Those of you who know me know that I am notorious for talking shit. Even when I’m wrong. However, I legitimately feel like I have a very promising future in fantasy football this season. Each player has their strengths and I’m not weak at any position. That’s what fantasy is about: being well rounded and having depth so that you can succeed despite sustaining an injury/suspension/expulsion here or there. Anyway, I’m going to tell you briefly why my team is so badass.


Quarterbacks are pivotal to the success of any team and everyone knows it. Peyton Manning, although 35, is still arguably the top passer in the game. The only issue is this lingering neck injury he’s had. If he’s healthy, he puts points on the board. If he’s not healthy I’ve acquired two late round QB’s to supplement the position. First, Colt McCoy. He’s finally been given the full time starting role on the Browns. Although the Browns don’t have the best receivers, he’s managed to have a very good preseason performance. When he DID start last season, especially later in the year, he definitely exceeded the expectations of most. He could be in for a monster season. Additionally, Donovan McNabb is awaiting his chance to redeem himself on his new team. Minnesota is MUCH better than Washington is, and they have a history of successful QBs in recent years. Donovan’s not going to let himself fail again this season. I look for him to put up big numbers as well. Adrian Peterson is gonna open up the pass game “all day”.

Running Back

Everyone knows that the Running Back is the backbone of any fantasy team. They typically contribute the most points out of any position and as such are the most valuable assets to any team. My running backs are so fierce it’s not even funny. Arian Foster was the top fantasy player in football last season. He sustained a bit of a hammy injury but will likely start in week one. Next, Darren McFadden. Dude finally showed what he was made of last season and churned out fantasy points at will. Assuming he stays healthy, he’ll take nearly all the snaps over Michael Bush and we’ll be looking at an unstoppable fantasy 1-2 punch at RB.

The first backup slot went to Tim Hightower. Dude was stuck in Arizona’s west-coast offense last year, which didn’t allow him to really gain the recognition he deserves. He has since moved to the very run-heavy, QB-crisis Redskins offense and exploded in preseason. He made the Steelers defense look more like the Cotton Candy’s defense. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him emerge as a top 10 fantasy RB . Darren Sproles is trailing at the number 4 spot. I was between Sproles and Woodhead. I decided to take Sproles because you know exactly what you’ll get from Danny Woodhead. Sproles on the other hand is more of a risk/reward player. Moving to the Saints who dismissed Reggie Bush, I’m excited to see how they utilize Sproles in a similar way. They’ve got Ingram for the up-the-middle power back, and I could see them turning to Sproles for check-down and screen passes. I could see him breaking the occasional big play.

Wide Receiver

If my team had a downfall, which it doesn’t, my Wide Receivers would be my achilles heel. I used my early picks at RB and QB, so I have what I feel is a strong corps of under-the-radar playmakers. Jeremy Maclin gets overshadowed by DeSean Jackson’s big play making ability in the Eagles offense. The reality, though, is that Maclin was targeted more than Jackson was last season and is Vick’s favorite target. Mike Williams was a selection because people are expecting Josh Freeman to have a breakthrough year. Who’s he gonna throw to? Yup, Mikey Williams (and occasionally Kellen Winslow). I took Brandon Lloyd because he gets in the end zone like a champion. He had like what, 11 Touchdowns last season? Put it up there Orton, let the big man do his thing.

I’ve allowed for some chances at the WR position on my bench. Jacoby Ford because he runs faster than Night Crawler from X-Men and showed glimpses of greatness last season. With some more experience this season, I’m expecting him to play a pivotal role in the Raiders offense. I could see Julio Jones becoming the Rookie of the Year (haha cam newton). Think about Roddy White’s numbers last season. He was absurd. Matt Ryan had great numbers because of Roddy White. Defenses are looking to double cover, triple cover,quadruple cover, or maybe even stick 5 defenders on Roddy White. I expect this to open up a LOT of opportunities for Julio Jones this season. Dude could put up some serious numbers. And Deion Branch because, well… Tom Brady.

Tight End

Marcedes Lewis was such a boss last season. Not only is he huge, but he also has great hands. He’s really the only threat that Jacksonville has in the red-zone.  MJD completely screwed me last season by deciding not to show up half the time, and with Mike Sims-Walker gone, Marcedes Lewis will become Garrard’s favorite target, I guarantee that.

Brent Celek was a late rounder. To me, and I’m not just saying this as an Eagles fan, he is one of the most underrated Tight Ends in the league. When McNabb was the QB, Celek was putting up great numbers. He had an off season last year not because of his performance, but because Vick didn’t incorporate him into the offense enough. Vick even came out and stated that his lack of attention to Celek was one of the biggest flaws in his game last season, one that he has been working to overcome lately. He admitted that he will be looking Celek’s way much more this season, which would really boost his numbers.


The Green Bay Packers have Clay Matthews and Charles Woodson. Is there really much else that needs to be said? Got the Chiefs to back em up. Probably only during the Bye week or if Clay Matthews dies.


Alex Henery. Because why not? Best kicker in College Football last year.

So yeah, that’ll do. My bench has a lot of potential bigtime players on it. At least one or two are bound to explode. I’ll do an analysis of the Week 1 matchup vs Cro as we get closer to kickoff. Good Night and Good Luck.

Life Is Just A Fantasy

As Bro has pointed out, our fantasy draft was last night and I’m not gonna lie to you guys because I respect you too much to do that.  So, in the interest of full disclosure, it didn’t go as well as I thought it would.  I will make no excuses and rely heavily on my uncanny ability to manage a fantasy football team but it’s not going to be easy.  Bro and I match up against each other right off the bat, first week of the season.  So get ready for some fireworks early on.  Here’s my ragtag gang of loveable losers…a bunch of crazy kids I hope I can motivate to come together at the last minute and win it all just before the movie ends.

Team Name: Team Funk

QB: Matt schaub

RB: LeSean McCoy

RB: Steven Jackson

WR: Dwayne Bowe

WR: Santonio Holmes

WR: Sidney Rice

TE: Vernon Davis

D/ST: New England Patriots

K: Stephen Gostkowski

Bench: Ryan Matthews (RB)

Bench: Rob Gronkowski (TE)

Bench: A.J. Green (WR)

Bench: Joe Flacco (QB)

Bench: Roy Williams (WR)

Bench: Steve Smith (WR)

Bench: Tony Gonzalez (TE)

Bench: Texans (D/ST)

Bench: Willis McGahee (RB)

So that’s my squad, stay tuned for a position by position breakdown.  Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the hogs of war!