Cro Vs. Bro…Late Season Recap

We promised to keep y’all updated on our fantasy league and how we were both performing throughout the year and we have again failed both those who have checked in intermittently and those of you who have followed us loyally.  That was probably a run run run-on sentence…I don’t care at this point.  Moving on from my increasingly loose grasp of the English language let us check in on the fantasy football season.

I’m fairly certain the Jones Brothers have avoided posting about our fantasy league for the majority of the NFL season.  I intend to change that.  Let’s start with Bro’s team, “Dream Team Green”.  After checking our standings and match-ups this week, it appears that Bro is going to finish tied for first place in the NFC division with a record of 8-6.  I’m pretty bad at math but I’m pretty sure Bro is gonna slip into the #2 seed going into our playoffs and in doing so he’s also gonna snag a first round playoff bye.  I can’t praise homeboy’s effort enough.  Dude started off the season in the cellar with very little chance of climbing out and he’s done exactly that.  Bro took a huge hit losing to me in week one and also losing his 1st round pick to injury for the first few weeks of the season but he kept plugging and lo and behold he’s grabbed himself a #2 seed in the playoffs.  Bad…ass.

If it pleases the jury, I’d like to turn our attention to my fantasy team: Team Funk.  If you recall, after our fantasy draft, I wasn’t too high on my team and even today I still lack confidence.  It’s been a long year and up until a few weeks ago, I’ve pretty much avoided any devastating injuries to my team.  However, I recently lost my starting QB in Matt Schaub…this has me extremely concerned with my chances going forward.  All season long I’ve been squeaking out victories…I can’t even count how many weekly matchups I’ve won by less than 10 points…but despite my small margin of victory, I’ve managed a league-best 12-2 record.  Team Funk have battled and worked their way into the #1 seed going into the playoffs.  My blue collar crew of lunch-pail players have overachieved and are more than deserving of a first round bye to start the postseason.  Even though I’m still extremely nervous about my team moving forward in the playoffs, I’m also incredibly proud of my boys for making it this far.  Team Funk now has a 25% chance of winning it all…and while we may not be the most talented team left, I do think we have the most heart.

P.S.  With Cro and Bro both earning Byes into the second round…your fearless leaders have a 50% chance of winning our fantasy league!

P.P.S.  We love you.  Always.




Cro vs. Bro Week One

Final Score: (Cro) 79- (Bro) 75

This was a fantasy match-up for the ages.  And by ages I mean shitter.  You know I mean that when I say it because I won.  Listen, I’m not gonna run my mouth after this one as much as I want to because I escaped this week.  Bro had Peyton and Arian both out this week and while I was also decimated by injuries, he lost his first pick.  That’s the one theme from this week I think is most prevalent, injuries.  I had Sydney Rice sit out and then lost Steven Jackson after he took one to the house on the first play from scrimmage.  I’m pretty sure there’s a little P or Q next to every single one of our players at this point and it’s only been one week…shit.

Quick recap of our days.  You know what?  I’m not even going to bother, our QB’s were subpar, our running backs did what they were expected and everyone that caught passes should have been wearing diapers.  Fantasy week one in a nutshell.  I just threw a chair.  It was a booster seat.  It’s mine.

I also would like to point out that Bro and I are the only ones who have been talking shit throughout the preseason and during the draft, and we backed that up by being the only two guys in the league to not break the 80 point mark.  I will not apologize.  I will not stop talking.  This week was a gimme, I promise I will only get stronger.  I’ve been free-basing Ritalin since Saturday afternoon to get the edge.  Yea, there are PED’s in fantasy football and we don’t drug test…right?

P.S. I’m 1-0…undefeated…BOOM.

Dear Mr. Fantasy

So…I’m gonna make this short and sweet to avoid any redundancy in what Bro has already done with his analysis.  Team Funk is a blue collar, lunchpail, hard working, hard-nosed, no-nonense team.  We’re not flashy but we get the job done, here’s my breakdown.


I think there are going to be a lot of solid fantasy options at QB this season, so I chose to wait a couple rounds before picking my gunslinger.  I ended up going with Houston’s Matt Schaub as my starter and I’m not sure whether I love or hate this pick.  Schaub puts up video game numbers one week and then the next week goes out and lays an egg by throwing 3 or 4 INT’s.  I’m thinking he’ll be doing more of the former this season if Arian Foster continues to emerge as one of the best backs in the league.  And of course Schaub is throwing to the best overall receiver in the world…Andre Johnson.  Plus, I just don’t see the AFC South being as strong as it has been in years past.  For my backup I stole Joe Flacco relatively late in the draft.  Flacco has yet to reach the potential a lot of people think he has and this is the year he should be able to do so.  The Ravens scooped up the extremely underrated Lee Evans who I see becoming Flacco’s new best friend and with Ray Rice taking little dump down passes to the house every week Flacco is a solid number 2.

Running Back

Anyone that knows fantasy football knows that the running back is the breadwinner of every team.  I grabbed LeSean McCoy with my first round pick and I think this year will be his coming out party.  The Eagles look like a really balanced team and McCoy is poised to breakout and finally get the credit he deserves as a stud running back.  That being said, I still hate the Eagles…I will root only for LeSean and no one else on that team.  My number two back is the steadfast Steven Jackson.  Also, am I the only one who thinks that commercial is hilarious?  As long as Sam Bradford continues to develop, Jackson finally has a somewhat reliable quarterback to take some of the pressure off of his strong, reassuring shoulders.  On my bench I’m rocking Ryan Matthews from San Diego and Willis “knees don’t bend like that” McGahee.  Matthews could be a huge steal for me, he’s a starter on an extremely talented offense that no one really talks about.  McGahee on the other hand is in the twilight of his career but he’s still got a little left in the tank so we’ll see how that works out for me.

Wide Receiver

Hmm…I can’t really think of anything funny or relevant to say about the receiver position.  Blah blah blah Michael Irvin cocaine.  Nailed it.  So I took Dwanye Bowe to start off my receiving corps. and I think he’s gonna kill it this season.  He was so underrated going into everybody’s fantasy draft after being a stud last year I almost felt guilty drafting him as late as I did.  Next up I’ve got Santonio Holmes.  I hated this pick.  I fucking hate the Jets and everyone involved in that organization.  I cannot even begin to fathom ever rooting for a Jet to do well.  But, Holmes was the best available and this is a money league…I had to do it…I’m not exactly wiping my ass with benjamins over here.  My third starter is Sydney Rice, no matter who Seattle starts at QB, they’re going to suck.  Still, Rice is a star and he should get me some solid points.  On my bench I have A.J. Green and Roy Williams.  I forgot I was picking and Green was autodrafted to me so I don’t know, that was a gaffe on my part.  Williams…I don’t like him…at all…just didn’t have a lot of choices left.  Also, I have Steve Smith from the Eagles…he’s coming off surgery so I don’t know what to say about that.

Tight End

I’m so amped about my tight ends…and the ones on my fantasy team aren’t bad either.  HEYOOO.  But really, I’m stacked at this position.  I’m boasting Vernon Davis as my 1a. starter and Rob Gronkowski as my 1b.  Davis was a monster last year and I just don’t see the Cyborg slowing down this season.  Gronk is just an animal.  I love him…I know I’m a Pats fan but the guy is just huge.  Everything I’ve heard from my sources(twitter) out of training camp is that he has just been clowning on people…I can’t wait.  On my bench I’ve got Tony Gonzalez…old faithful.

Defense/Special Teams

I waited too long on this pick and ended up with the Patriots and the Texans.  Both mediocre defenses going into the season.  I’m banking on a lot of sacks from either team and also punt returns.  I doubt we’ll see more than one or two kickoff return TD’s this year but I think Julian Edelman is gonna surprise some people with his punt return prowess.  This is a boring part of fantasy…so here’s something to spice it up.


Sigh.  Kickers suck.  Except for Stephen Gostkowski.  Stevie G.  The G Spot.  I love him and I think he was a great pick if you don’t agree…that’s okay…I still love you.

Stay tuned for each of our views on the week 1 SuperBowl coming up…I’ll try to get one up before the game tomorrow night.  Love you.

Dream Team Green Player Analysis

Alright. Those of you who know me know that I am notorious for talking shit. Even when I’m wrong. However, I legitimately feel like I have a very promising future in fantasy football this season. Each player has their strengths and I’m not weak at any position. That’s what fantasy is about: being well rounded and having depth so that you can succeed despite sustaining an injury/suspension/expulsion here or there. Anyway, I’m going to tell you briefly why my team is so badass.


Quarterbacks are pivotal to the success of any team and everyone knows it. Peyton Manning, although 35, is still arguably the top passer in the game. The only issue is this lingering neck injury he’s had. If he’s healthy, he puts points on the board. If he’s not healthy I’ve acquired two late round QB’s to supplement the position. First, Colt McCoy. He’s finally been given the full time starting role on the Browns. Although the Browns don’t have the best receivers, he’s managed to have a very good preseason performance. When he DID start last season, especially later in the year, he definitely exceeded the expectations of most. He could be in for a monster season. Additionally, Donovan McNabb is awaiting his chance to redeem himself on his new team. Minnesota is MUCH better than Washington is, and they have a history of successful QBs in recent years. Donovan’s not going to let himself fail again this season. I look for him to put up big numbers as well. Adrian Peterson is gonna open up the pass game “all day”.

Running Back

Everyone knows that the Running Back is the backbone of any fantasy team. They typically contribute the most points out of any position and as such are the most valuable assets to any team. My running backs are so fierce it’s not even funny. Arian Foster was the top fantasy player in football last season. He sustained a bit of a hammy injury but will likely start in week one. Next, Darren McFadden. Dude finally showed what he was made of last season and churned out fantasy points at will. Assuming he stays healthy, he’ll take nearly all the snaps over Michael Bush and we’ll be looking at an unstoppable fantasy 1-2 punch at RB.

The first backup slot went to Tim Hightower. Dude was stuck in Arizona’s west-coast offense last year, which didn’t allow him to really gain the recognition he deserves. He has since moved to the very run-heavy, QB-crisis Redskins offense and exploded in preseason. He made the Steelers defense look more like the Cotton Candy’s defense. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him emerge as a top 10 fantasy RB . Darren Sproles is trailing at the number 4 spot. I was between Sproles and Woodhead. I decided to take Sproles because you know exactly what you’ll get from Danny Woodhead. Sproles on the other hand is more of a risk/reward player. Moving to the Saints who dismissed Reggie Bush, I’m excited to see how they utilize Sproles in a similar way. They’ve got Ingram for the up-the-middle power back, and I could see them turning to Sproles for check-down and screen passes. I could see him breaking the occasional big play.

Wide Receiver

If my team had a downfall, which it doesn’t, my Wide Receivers would be my achilles heel. I used my early picks at RB and QB, so I have what I feel is a strong corps of under-the-radar playmakers. Jeremy Maclin gets overshadowed by DeSean Jackson’s big play making ability in the Eagles offense. The reality, though, is that Maclin was targeted more than Jackson was last season and is Vick’s favorite target. Mike Williams was a selection because people are expecting Josh Freeman to have a breakthrough year. Who’s he gonna throw to? Yup, Mikey Williams (and occasionally Kellen Winslow). I took Brandon Lloyd because he gets in the end zone like a champion. He had like what, 11 Touchdowns last season? Put it up there Orton, let the big man do his thing.

I’ve allowed for some chances at the WR position on my bench. Jacoby Ford because he runs faster than Night Crawler from X-Men and showed glimpses of greatness last season. With some more experience this season, I’m expecting him to play a pivotal role in the Raiders offense. I could see Julio Jones becoming the Rookie of the Year (haha cam newton). Think about Roddy White’s numbers last season. He was absurd. Matt Ryan had great numbers because of Roddy White. Defenses are looking to double cover, triple cover,quadruple cover, or maybe even stick 5 defenders on Roddy White. I expect this to open up a LOT of opportunities for Julio Jones this season. Dude could put up some serious numbers. And Deion Branch because, well… Tom Brady.

Tight End

Marcedes Lewis was such a boss last season. Not only is he huge, but he also has great hands. He’s really the only threat that Jacksonville has in the red-zone.  MJD completely screwed me last season by deciding not to show up half the time, and with Mike Sims-Walker gone, Marcedes Lewis will become Garrard’s favorite target, I guarantee that.

Brent Celek was a late rounder. To me, and I’m not just saying this as an Eagles fan, he is one of the most underrated Tight Ends in the league. When McNabb was the QB, Celek was putting up great numbers. He had an off season last year not because of his performance, but because Vick didn’t incorporate him into the offense enough. Vick even came out and stated that his lack of attention to Celek was one of the biggest flaws in his game last season, one that he has been working to overcome lately. He admitted that he will be looking Celek’s way much more this season, which would really boost his numbers.


The Green Bay Packers have Clay Matthews and Charles Woodson. Is there really much else that needs to be said? Got the Chiefs to back em up. Probably only during the Bye week or if Clay Matthews dies.


Alex Henery. Because why not? Best kicker in College Football last year.

So yeah, that’ll do. My bench has a lot of potential bigtime players on it. At least one or two are bound to explode. I’ll do an analysis of the Week 1 matchup vs Cro as we get closer to kickoff. Good Night and Good Luck.

Life Is Just A Fantasy

As Bro has pointed out, our fantasy draft was last night and I’m not gonna lie to you guys because I respect you too much to do that.  So, in the interest of full disclosure, it didn’t go as well as I thought it would.  I will make no excuses and rely heavily on my uncanny ability to manage a fantasy football team but it’s not going to be easy.  Bro and I match up against each other right off the bat, first week of the season.  So get ready for some fireworks early on.  Here’s my ragtag gang of loveable losers…a bunch of crazy kids I hope I can motivate to come together at the last minute and win it all just before the movie ends.

Team Name: Team Funk

QB: Matt schaub

RB: LeSean McCoy

RB: Steven Jackson

WR: Dwayne Bowe

WR: Santonio Holmes

WR: Sidney Rice

TE: Vernon Davis

D/ST: New England Patriots

K: Stephen Gostkowski

Bench: Ryan Matthews (RB)

Bench: Rob Gronkowski (TE)

Bench: A.J. Green (WR)

Bench: Joe Flacco (QB)

Bench: Roy Williams (WR)

Bench: Steve Smith (WR)

Bench: Tony Gonzalez (TE)

Bench: Texans (D/ST)

Bench: Willis McGahee (RB)

So that’s my squad, stay tuned for a position by position breakdown.  Cry “Havoc!” and let slip the hogs of war!

Fantasy Football Cro vs. Bro

As Bro has pointed out we will be competing in the same fantasy football league this year.  That’s the only accurate statement in his last post.  I’m a beast when it comes to make believe sports, an assassin when it comes to managing other players to do my work, and a rock star at crushing dreams in fantasy.  So buckle up kiddos, it’s gonna be a fun season.

Team Name: Team Funk

Draft date set at Sept. 4

Yeaaaaa budddyyyy

Fantasy Football – Bro vs Cro

Given that Cro and I are competing in the same fantasy football league for the first time ever, we’ll be keeping you all updated on our adventures this season. I will be consistently trash talking and being completely cocky. I will prevail over Cro, and that’s a stronger guarantee than Rex Ryan’s superbowl promises.

Team Name: Dream Team Green

Game Time. Draft time set for September 4th, when official rosters will be released.