Brandon Roy Loses Both Legs In Freak Sleeping Accident

MINNESOTA CITY, MINNESOTA

The Minnesota Timberwolves thought they had won the jackpot this summer when Brandon Roy chose them as a destination to resurrect his career…and knees.  The comeback tour has officially ended after Roy suffered a freak accident in the middle of the night on Saturday.

Roy had been rehabbing from a knee surgery he underwent in November.  Both he and the team expected him to make a full recovery and be able to make a return this season.  However, after Saturday, doctors doubt he will be able to walk normally again.  Roy was fast asleep in bed when his knees suddenly gave out, waking him up instantly.  He looked down to find both of his legs twisted and bent in a gruesome pretzel-like shape.  Doctor Chim Richalds, who operated on Roy, weighed in on the accident:

“Brandon’s knees are…can I swear here?  Well, they’re fucked.  We had to amputate everything below the waist, he’ll be lucky to play basketball ever again.”

When pressed about Roy’s future Dr. Richalds responded,

“Well, he’s done for the year.  I can’t rule him out for a return next season though.”

Goodnight Sweet Prince

Dear NBA 2K12 Commercials…What?

So real quick I just wanted to touch on these new NBA 2K12 commercials I’ve been seeing lately.  My first gripe is that they got Brian Wilson of all people to represent Celtics fans.  Whaaa?  Brian Wilson?  The closer for the San Francisco Giants?  I just don’t get it…he’s a weird dude and yeah, he’s funny but really?  Not only is he not a Boston guy but then he goes and wears this ridiculous getup for the commercial.  Come on Brian, you’re better than that.  I’m a diehard Celtics fan and I havent dressed like that in…months.

The second thing that bothers me, and this is worse than Brian Wilson, is that they tapped Drake to represent Miami Heat fans.  Drake is from Canada.  Dude was on Degrassi…that’s like as far from South Beach as it gets.  And someone please correct me if I’m wrong but I never saw little Jimmy Brooks rolling around campus rocking any Heat gear.  This concerns me.  But it also cements my theory that the Miami Heat officially have no real fans.  Just people that think its sexy to root for those douchebags.  I’ll keep my Lebron bashing for another post, maybe if the NBA ever returns, or if Lebron beats up an infant at one of his basketball camps to prove he was tougher.  However, these commercials are so unauthentic it’s not even funny…but I bet it’s gonna be a good game…I heard lockout mode is fun as shit.