Ndamukong Suck

HEYOOO!  See what I did there?!?!  Fucking clever as shit.  You’re welcome, World.

Amidst the tropical storm that is the myriad of controversies occurring in the sports world right now, I’ve decided to tackle the embattled Lions star first.  Also, I used a lot of big words in that last sentence and I’m not positive they all worked…we’ll find out at the monthly grammar review.  Let us now turn our attention to the Detroit Lions and star defensive tackle, Ndamukong Suh.  First and foremost, I’m going to go ahead and apologize for misspelling his name for the rest of the post because let’s face it…that first name is just ridiculous.  Not ridiculous in a “I’m insulting his family’s culture and choice” way but more in a “there’s no way I’m gonna refer back to wikipedia every single time I need to use his name in this post” way…which is already like 10 or 15 times.  So, without further comedic delay, let us address “Sue”.

There has a been a huge huge huge emphasis on minimizing not just hurtful plays but also any plays that are deemed reckless by the commish this season.  Cro Jones’ official stance is that the NFL has gone soft.  Let players tackle the quarterback, yea protect his head and all that but don’t flag every big hit just because a QB is involved.  Also, stop arbitrarily fining players for random occurrences that naturally come about during the pace of a football game.  I’ve seen more fines this year than ever…and most of them are for inadvertent facemasks or aggressive holding calls…it’s absurd.  LET THE PLAYERS PLAY.  STOP FINING PLAYERS FROM YOUR IVORY FUCKING TOWER FOR NO DAMN REASON.  This has happened all over the league not just with my beloved Patriots…there needs to be more discretion everywhere.  However, Noodleking Sue is a different story.

The entire Detroit Lions team lacks discipline and this has been made very evident in the last few weeks of the season but Nadakong Sur is the worst offender of all.  Nachocheese Soup has been fined time after time after time by Roger Goodell and he even requested a meeting with the commish in order to review his play and see what he was doing wrong.  What you’re doing wrong?!?!  Nadacooz, every time you sack a QB you try to twist his head off…literally snap his neck assassin style.  Not to mention the litany of allegations that you bite, pinch, twist, kick, poke and everything else every single time there’s a pile up at the line of scrimmage.  MahnaMahna is a dirty player plain and simple and the entire nation got a glimpse of that when he tried to curbstomp Evan Dietrich-Smith on Thanksgiving Day.  Homeboy got suspended for two games and proceeded to get his damn self into a serious car accident two days later so let’s see if NumaNuma Yay can avoid the wrath of the NFL on that one.

In summation, I’d like to say that I do enjoy the Detroit Lions…but I do not root for Nudorama Suck.  Also, I’d like to mention to our readers that I deserve a medal for not linking to an American History X clip on the word curbstomp…you’re welcome.


Indianapolis Colts Granted “Free Pass” For Week 1


The NFL has granted the Indianapolis Colts what league officials are calling a “free pass” for the first week of the 2011 football season.  Peyton Manning has not practiced or done anything other than physical therapy since undergoing neck surgery in May.  This lack of preparation, physically and mentally, threatens to keep Manning out of at least the first game his team plays this season.  Colts’ coach Jim Caldwell has not specified when Manning will even return to practice, let alone be able to take the field in a competitive setting, leading commissioner Roger Goodell to give the league’s favorite player and favorite team a break.

“We all love Peyton.  Heck, we all love the Colts.  That’s why we’ve made up so many rules to help them win games.  If Pey Pey isn’t ready for the first game, I’ll use my authority to cancel that game and put it down in the books as a win for Indy.  Gosh, Peyton is so funny isn’t he?”

Manning also has a streak of 227 consecutive starts in jeopardy.  However, if he is not able to start, Goodell has promised to alter the record books to ensure that Peyton’s streak is not affected.  While the rest of the NFL has called a collective “shenanigans” on the whole situation, Goodell has threatened that anyone who speaks out against the Colts or his rulings will be “Persecuted to the full extent of the law…probably banned from sports and maybe even society.”

It appears that Peyton and his Colts will indeed make the playoffs again this season, even if they don’t win a single game.

Click the picture…please?